Fan Fiction

Taemin’s POV

After Minho-hyung left the kitchen fell disturbingly quiet- a little to quiet with Key-umma being present. I looked at him to discover that he had been staring at me the entire time.

“Minnie, what happened the other day? Minho said something about being rescued…”

My eyes widened, I never told Key about that incident- I knew he hated the thought that I might be put into danger. “Well, he had zoned out when a group of guys cornered him. I happened to be passing by on my way to the dance studio and noticed the situation. So, without thinking, I grabbed his hand and ran. That’s all there is to it! No one got hurt, and no one threw a punch. Honestly, those guys he had been cornered by were just drunk again anyway.”

“Again?” Oops! I slipped again.

“I ran into them once before and the elderly lady who runs the craft store downtown saved me. That’s all, honestly!” The aura Key was giving off scared me a little, okay- a lot.

After taking a few breaths, he seemed to calm down. “Minnie, another question.”

“Yes?”

“Tonight, why did you run away from me with Minho?”

That question stunned me. I really had no idea why I ran away from Key-umma with Minho, well I had a slight idea… I think. “Because you looked like you were ready to kill someone and I couldn’t let that happen! Especially not YOU killing Minho-hyung! That just- just-” I couldn’t continue my sentence that just- what? What am I thinking exactly?

I looked up when I hear Key-umma groan. “Not you too!”

I tilted my head, “Key-umma?”

“Minnie. How would you feel if I told you I was the one who was going to visit you for you lunch break tomorrow?”

“Of course I’d be happy, Key-umma!” I smiled.

“Okay, good.” He smiled back, “Now what if I told you that it was just going to be you and Minho?”

My heart fluttered and I felt inexplicably giddy, “I’d be happy as well then!” I continued to smile while trying to sound the same as I had previously.

“Oh, goodness! You are both so helpless.” He mumbled- I think it was just to himself, but I still heard him.

“Both? Helpless?”

“Taemin, you blushed, your whole demeanor changed, and you’ve barely known Minho a day!”

My mind seemed to fail me, “What?”

“You, I can’t believe I’m about to say this!” Key smacked his forehead with his palm, “Minnie, you like Minho.”

Duh. “Of course I like Minho-hyung! Key-umma, he’s your best friend, of course I like him.”

He shook his head again, am I missing something here? “Minnie, go get Minho. I think I need to talk to both of you.”

“Alright.” There was no reason to disagree, so why not? Poor Minho-hyung didn’t get much of a chance to rest though- my conversatio with Key-umma was really quick.

I headed into the living room which I quickly noticed was dark- I guess Minho turned the lights off. I picked my way through the room, I couldn’t see past the length of my arm, so finding the couch might take a moment. We really should get a light switch placed near the entryway from the dining room. Suddenly, my foot caught on something, what the- I flew forward and closed my eyes. I landed on something but everything felt- different.

Minho’s POV

Crap! Key is going to kill me! I turn to Taemin, maybe he can think of something- no, I shouldn’t rely on him like that. I am way too fearful of what Key is capable of. All of a sudden, I felt a familiar hand grab my wrist. I look to Taemin- is he really doing what I think he’s doing? He flashes me a smile- wow! All of a sudden I feel him tugging on my wrist and we’re off running. I glance behind me to see a very upset Key trying to keep up behind us.

“Taemin, is this the best idea?” I make my voice just loud enough so that he can hear me.

“Probably not, but I can’t let Key-umma get you. I don’t know what happened- but he looks like he’s going to kill you!” He shouted over his shoulder.

I hold back a chuckle. Why is that whenever I’m near this guy I become, dumb? But looking at him again, he is such a sweet, caring, and cute person, I still don’t understand how he could be in such a horrible family situation. 

We ended up in a small wooded area behind the block his house is on. Both of us gulping for air. I glance at him again, and feel my heart flutter. His shoulders are hunched and the way his bangs are half-dangling in front of his eyes and half-plastered to his forehead. He looks so-

“Minho-hyung?” His voice breaks into my thoughts.

“Yes, Taemin?”

He started fidgeting with his hands, “If I let you into my house, can you be quiet and not speak a word of what you see to anyone?” His eyes shone with something- I think it was hope.

I nodded my head, “Of course, Tae, if that’s alright with you.”

“Great. That’s the only place I know you’ll be safe from Key-umma.” 

We crept up to his house and quietly made our way in- he was unsure if his siblings were asleep or not. We made our way silently through the kitchen and into the living room. Taemin signaled for me to stay where I was while he went upstairs to check on his family. When he came back down he told me that they were all asleep.

“Hyung, can I call Key-umma over and have you two talk it out? I really don’t like the fact that you two aren’t on the best of terms right now…” He gave me puppy-dog eyes- how can I say no to that?

“Sure Tae, I’ll try my best to figure out what he’s so angry at me for.”

He went into the kitchen and called Key. Within in minutes there was a knock at the door. I gulped, I hope this ends well.

“Hyung, I told Key-umma that my family’s asleep so he should keep it down.” Taemin smiled at me.

We both went to the front door and Taemin opened it, I made sure to stand close behind him so that Key wouldn’t just take a swing at me- that’s the last thing I need. As soon as he saw me he shot me a glare- honestly, what did I do?

“Taemin, Minho, let’s go to the kitchen.” He quickly walked off, leaving us in the doorway. We both nodded and followed him into the kitchen. When we are sitting around the counter, I looked at Key- he seemed to have calmed down considerably. “Minho, I trust you like a brother. Taemin, I care for you like a member of my family.” He sighed, “Now, Taemin, I know you don’t want to leave. But I really need to speak with Minho alone.”

Taemin definitely looked hesitant. He glanced from me to Key and back before leaning towards me. “Be careful.” He whispered before turning and leaving. I felt my cheeks begin to burn before I looked at Key- and he did not look happy.

“You are an idiot.”

That one took me by surprise, “What? Why?”

“You are so dumb. I can’t believe this.” He sighed and shook his head, his eyes directed at the counter between us.

“I thought you were angry with me?”

His eyes shot back up to look at me and glared, “I am.”

“Then what did I do that I am an idiot?”

“You were blushing. You like Taemin, don’t you?”

“Key, I just met the guy. How can you say that I like him based off of a single blush?”

“Why were you walking home with him then?”

I looked at my hands, what could he be digging for? “I met him at the dance studio and we started talking and we ended up with me walking him home.” I explained, “Why did you chase after us?”

Another piercing glare, “I chased after you, Taemin just happened to run with you.”

“Whatever.” I mumbled, it took a lot of effort not to roll my eyes at my best friend right now.

“Why did you go to the dance studio, Minho?”

“I-” Why did I go to the dance studio? “I’m not sure. I guess to thank him for helping me the other day, and I ended up helping him clean the studio because it looked like it would take a while…” I’m rambling- crap!

“You. Like. Him.” Key repeated his accusation emphasizing every word.

“He’s a nice guy, and you like him to- so what?” I’m getting defensive, why am I getting defensive?

“I like him as though he were my son. You like him as in you want to date him.”

“What? There’s no- I-” My mind can’t seem to settle on one sentence to state.

“Key-umma?” I looked up when I heard his voice.  He was coming back into the kitchen.

“Oh, Taeminnie! You can come back in now, and Minho’s safe- see?” I saw Key gesture to me. I offered a smile, but it was a bit strained.

Taemin came close to us, “Minho-hyung? Are you okay? You look a little stressed.”

“I’m fine Tae, I’m just… Would you mind if I laid down on the couch for a little while?”

“No, not at all! You can rest as long as you need. I’ll entertain Key-umma for a while.” He smiled, and my heart beat quickened. 

Could I really have started to like him so short a time? I shook the thought from my head before departing from them and laying on the couch. I have quite a few thoughts and feelings that I have to sort out.

~Taemin’s POV~

Key-umma came to my work to visit me! I’m so happy! He brought a tall guy with him. This guy looks so familiar. It can’t be- is it that guy from the other day? He certainly looks like that guy, and he’s been really quiet like that guy was too. I wonder how he knows Key-umma.

We had been talking for a while but there was a sudden lull in our conversation. I guess this is my opportunity. “So, Minho-hyung, how do you know Key?” Key staged a cough, oops! “Key-umma?” I corrected myself, Key smiled at my correction. I thought this was a bit strange, he normally wasn’t so insistent on my calling him Key-umma and this already the sixth time in five minutes he’s done that stage cough! Hmmm…

Minho looked at me and spoke with that low voice I remember from the other day, “We’re friends. We went to the same kindergarten when we started school and we were in the same class every year since. After we graduated, we both decided that staying close to home was the best choice so, I’m taking night courses at the community college while teaching a soccer program during the week.” He laughed a little awkwardly and rubbed the back of his neck, “I guess that’s a little more information than you wanted, huh?” He smiled at me.

“No, it’s fine! I just didn’t recall seeing you visit Key-umma’s house ever is all.” 

“Wha-“

“Taeminnie lives across the street from me.” Key interrupted before Minho could finish his sentence, let alone the first word of it!

“Oh. I see. Then I guess it’s fate that we should have met eventually.” He smiled again. His deep voice is amazing, honestly!

The three of us had talked for a while about whatever came to mind. Eventually, Minho excused himself to go to the restroom.

“Alright! Taemin, when’s your shift here end today?” Key asked me once Minho was out of sight.

“Oh, well. We close at two, then there’s clean up so I should be out of here by 2:30. Then I should have enough time to wash up before being at the dance studio by 3:30.”

“Okay, did you want me to make dinner for your family today?”

“Would you, Key-umma? My shift at the studio is until 8:30 and then again, I have to clean my space so 9:00 I should be headed home. I feel bad for making everyone wait so late for dinner.”

“Of course I’ll make dinner tonight, Minnie! You know I am more than willing to help.” Key-umma smiled.

“Thanks so much, Key-umma!” I smiled, Key is such a caring friend.

Just then, Minho-hyung rounded the corner. He sat down and we continued talking. I had already finished my lunch and decided to look at the time. I only had a few minutes left for my break.

“Well, I have to go back and get my name badge and wash my hands before I clock back in.” I smiled. Looking from Key-umma to Minho-hyung and bowed before turning around and leaving.

~*~*~

I turn around and look at the dance studio before me, cleaning supplies hanging from my arms. First thing’s first, I put down everything except for the broom and start sweeping. I’m almost finished sweeping when I hear the door open behind me, I turn around.

“M-M-Mi-MInho-hyung?” I  felt my jaw drop. I hurriedly collected my thoughts before speaking again, “What are you doing here?”

“Oh, well, um…” He paused, “I remember the other day you saying how you worked at the dance studio down the street from the park…”

“Wait! So that WAS you?” I mean, I had definitely thought it may have been, but he doesn’t look like the type of person to be cornered…

“Yes, that was me. I never got a chance to thank you by the way, so- Thanks, Taemin.” He smiled.

“Oh, hehe, you’re welcome!”

He picked up the dry mop. “Mind if I help?”

I shook my head, “If it’s alright with you, I would really appreciate it.”

When we finished cleaning I looked at the clock 8:45. I actually finished early! Thank goodness!

“Thank you so much for helping Minho-hyung!”

“You’re welcome Taemin, but would you mind getting off of me?”

I hadn’t realized that I’d closed my eyes. Or for that matter jumped on top of Minho! Omo! I must look like a koala trying to climb a tree! I feel my cheeks begin to burn as I jumped back off of him.

“Sorry, Minho-hyung.”

“It’s alright, Taemin. Let’s put the cleaning equipment away.” He smiled again, he really is too nice.

We carried the equipment to the closet and put everything away. We finally had everything away and exited the building.

“Thanks again for your help Minho-hyung. It would’ve taken twice as long other wise!”

“Not a problem, Taemin. We should head home. I bet Key-umma is looking out his window for your return home already.” I heard a quiet chuckle escape his lips.

“Knowing Key-umma, he’s been watching and if I’m not home by 9:00 he’s already waiting for me on my front steps.” I smile, but I can feel my cheeks heating up once again.

We started walking and talking. I hadn’t even realized we had reached the street my house was on until I heard Key-umma scream.

“CHOI MINHO!”

I looked to Minho-hyung who had paled at the sound of Key’s screeching. I looked back towards Key who was rushing down the street towards us. I couldn’t help but gulp, I hadn’t seen Key-umma this angry- EVER.

Minho’s POV

“Key! Please help me find him! You and I both know that you know practically everyone in town!’ I was whining to my best friend. Yes, me, whining!

Key huffed- again. “Tell me, Choi, why should I help you find this kid?”

“Because we’re best friends!’ Key glared at me, “And because I know that you hate my aegyo and if you don’t help me, I will use aegyo everytime you see me.” I began pouting- I know this will work!

“Did you just threaten me with your dreadful aegyo?” He sounded disbelieving, but I refused to stop pouting! “Gah! Fine. I’ll help you! But in return, you’re treating me to lunch at my favorite breakfast and lunch place.”

I sigh, knowing Key, this place wasn’t going to be cheap- but I had to see that guy again! “Fine.”

Key jumped- literally- and grabbed my wrist pulling me along, “Let’s go!”

“NOW?”

“Yup!”

He lead me down the streets eventually stopping at a little cafe-sized building at the corner of Flaxton and Market.

“This is your favorite breakfast and lunch place?” It didn’t seem to terribly impressive to me- strange.

“For the atmosphere! The workers are so interesting!”

“Oh… okay.” Sometimes, Key is just a little too strange…

We entered the shop, Key was being clingy. He grabbed my arm and tugged on it hoping to pull me forward to the counter we were supposed to order at. Honestly, he can be really annoying with his clingy attitude. I looked up at the person who would take our order. His short blonde hair had a slight wave in it, and his eyes looked really familiar- It was the boy from the other day!

“‘Morning! What can I get for you today?” He smiled. I don’t know what it is about this boy, but I feel drawn to him.

It took a moment, but I realized that Key had taken the liberty of placing both of our orders without consulting with me first. I heard him babbling away to the blonde male without taking a breath. The male responded with little positive remarks like, “okay,” and “alright.” When Key finally stopped talking, the blonde boy looked up and eyed both of us.

“Is that everything?”

I glanced at the name tag sitting on his chest, it read “Taemin.” I felt the name suited him, Taemin, the guy who saved me the other day. I looked at as much of him as I could- he didn’t seem like the type to get involved with gangs, how did he know so much about those guys then? Oh well, I guess I’m not supposed to know…

“Yes, thank you.” Key spoke again. I came back to reality and didn’t realize what exchange had occured, so I stuck to giving a nod and smiling.

I looked into his eyes and… If I’m not wrong, there was a bit of recognition in his them. Did he recognize me? That would be so… neat!

Key and I went to the register, I paid for the entire meal and we went to a nearby table.

“Key! You’re a genius! You’re definitely my best friend ever!”

“Of course I’m a genius, everyone knows that! But, what did I do this time?”

There was confusion written all over his face, so I pointed to Taemin and looked at Key, “That’s the guy from the other day!”

“Minnie? Minnie is the guy from the other day?” The nickname threw me off for a moment, but I still chose to respond.

“Yeah, he’s the one that kind of, sort of, umm… rescued me from a gang.” I smiled sheepishly.

Anger flared in Key’s eyes, “You put my son in danger! And now you want to stalk him?!”

I froze, “WHAT?! Your son?” Then Key’s last sentence clicked in my head, “Wait! I’m not stalking him!”

“Fine, you aren’t stalking him. You were just asking for my assistance in locating him because you can’t do it on your own.”

“Whatever, Key.” I rolled my eyes, “Now, what did you mean by your son?”

“Well-“

“Key-umma!” Taemin was coming over to us with our order.

“Hey, Minnie. How’s work going?”

“Well. I’m about to take my break though, is it alright if I join you and-“

“Minho. I’m Choi Minho.”

“Hello Minho!” He smiled at me before turning to Key again, “So can I join you and Minho-ssi?”

“Of course, Minnie!”

Taemin placed our order down on the table and happily walked off, unconsciously swaying his hips a little bit. As soon as he was out of sight behind the counter, Key turned to me.

“You.” He pointed at me, “You’ve met him, but I warn you- stay back! He does not need any more drama in his life and I’m sure that adding someone like you in it would not be helpful.”

“What do you mean by that?”

Key sighed, “What I’m about to tell you can NOT be repeated.”

“Okay.” What choice did I have? I want to know about Taemin, but Key was being over-protective all of a sudden.

“Taemin is the oldest child of four. He has three younger siblings, two in elementary school and one who just entered kindergarten. Last year, his father had an affair and left the family, leaving them to fend for themselves. Shortly after their father left, their mother fell ill and it left her unable to work. As the oldest child, Taemin decided to drop out of school and took on three part-time jobs and takes care of his family then, in the late hours of the night, he teaches himself. Minnie hopes to go back to school and get his G.E.D. So, as his friend and step-in umma, I have helped him and his siblings out as much as possible during the last year. I have seen the different stages of depression Taemin has gone through and honestly, my son doesn’t need anything else to happen in his life.”

“So wait, every time you disappeared because you were ‘just helping your family’ you were  just helping Taemin? why didn’t you say anything sooner? I may not have known Taemin, but I would be more than willing to help.”

“I know, I know, but- he’s my son!”

“Alright, alright! Just, I’ll be helping to from now on, okay?”

“No.”

I looked at him disbelief, “Why not?”

“Because Taeminnie doesn’t want people to know about his situation. He’d kill me for even uttering a word about it to you!” Key pouted- the ALMIGHTY KEY pouted!

“Fine, just- let me help quietly?” Just then Taemin came around the corner carrying a plate of food.

“We’ll talk about this later!” Key whispered to me before turning to Taemin. “Minnie! How long is your break?”

“Half an hour! I’m glad you came just in time for me to join you for lunch! It’s much better than eating alone!” The smile on his face shone so brightly it nearly blinded me. I never would have guessed what he goes through on a daily basis.

“If you want Minnie, we can set it up so that either Minho or I will always be here so that you don’t have to eat lunch alone.” Key offered.

My jaw almost dropped- Key just volunteered me for that and didn’t even bother checking with me if it was okay… not that I have any problems with it. It’s just that it was Key who volunteered me. Something was strange here… Or was this an agreement to me silently helping? Aish! Key makes things so frustrating sometimes…

“Really? I don’t want you guys going out of your way… but it’d be nice to take my break with my Key-umma or with Minho-hyung.” He looked at me when he said that, like he wasn’t sure if he could call me hyung.

“What are you waiting for? RUN!” I heard as someone grabbed my hand and pulled me along the sidewalk. I was in a daze- just what happened back there? I mean, I was just minding my own business and all of a sudden a group of guys came up and backed me against the wall. They started yelling at me about something… then this person showed up. I looked again at the boy grasping my hand and running at top speed. He seemed to be muttering to himself, but I couldn’t understand what he was saying.
After following him down street after street for what felt like hours, he stopped and turned to me. Who on Earth was this guy?
“There. You should be safe now. Watch out for those guys. When they’re drunk they don’t care who you are. If they want to beat someone up they’ll do it to the next passing person. And if they’re looking for… um… release.. they don’t care if you’re male or female, they take what they can get.” The guy looked at the device on his wrist. “Crap! I’m going to be late!” He turned and started to run.
“Wait!” I instictively reached out and grabbed his wrist. “Who are you? Late? Where are you going?” The boy turned around and let out a slight chuckle.
“Ah! You speak! I was beginning to think you were mute! I’m late for work.” He smiled, “I work at the dance studio down the street.” He looked cute when he smiled, but his smile quickly disappaited. “If I don’t leave now I really will be late!” He turned and ran without saying his name.
“Wait!” I yelled again, but he continued running down the street while I stood there watching, paralyzed for reasons I still didn’t know.

Taemin curled into a small ball under the covers on his bed. This is not the reality I wanted. Why can’t they see that? He started dragging his nails down his arms. Within moments his arms were bright red and swollen tracks from the repetitive motions were showing. His body was shaking. Everyone should stay away from me. I’m like a poison. I’m not good enough. I’ll never be good enough. The longs scratches in his arms are starting to completely break through the skin. His fingernails are covered in blood, but he ignores it as he continues to scratch- no, dig at his arms. There was no specific reason for Taemin to have sunk so low into depression. I just accepted too much. I pushed too much. I failed too much. I let everyone down. Why do they bother?

“Taeminnie?” Onew sat down on the edge of the younger one’s bed. “Taeminnie, are you okay?”

To The Two I Love the Most,

I am holding out for that day when this pain I am feeling becomes nothing more than a bad memory. It’s not that I hate you, or won’t forgive you, the pain is just too overbearing. 

I forgave, but forgetting your actions is something entirely different.

I really do hope you are happy with him. Honestly.

I don’t support what you did, but I was willing to work through it with you. You simply were too stuck on yourself to work with me.

I love you more than you realize, more than I even realized until it was too late. You had started straying from me and found yourself feeling something for him.

You are not solely at fault.

Yet, you can not shove the blame on me. 

He is not the one to pin this on either.

All is forgiven, but I am not ready to face you. Either of you.

We were friends long before we became a couple. He is my one and only brother. I love you both, but I need my time. I need my space. 

With that being said I will contact you when I return. I promise to both of you that I will come back. I’m not easy to get rid of.

And so, until I do return (and even then) do me this favor, please.

Minho, take care of my baby brother.

Taeminnie, don’t be stupid with your love.

Until the day when I can face you again and smile whole heartedly.

I’m sorry, and I love you.

Sincerely,

Lee Jinki

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mmkay~ This probably more of a drabble than a oneshot… but…. I’m the author so… X-P heehee~ ^-^

~BaiLingLing <3

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Also, to my dearest follower fyeahsuperjuniorcouples- I’m working on your YeWon. It’s almost done and it should be posted soon. To be honest, it took a while for me to come up with something that I was satisfied with- but I discovered something and I just have to finish typing it up! ^-^ Thank you most kindly for your patience! ^-^

~BaiLingLing <3

The silence that followed Jonghyun’s proclomation seemed to last forever for him. Minho’s face didn’t show nearly enough emotion for Jonghyun to be able to decipher what the younger male was thinking. “Jjong-hyung…” Minho’s voice was barely more than a whisper. “Do you know what you just said?” Jonghyun looked closely in Minho’s eyes- still too difficult to read. “Minho, I love you. I love you as in I want to hold your hand and go on dates. I love you like I want to make love with you when we are both ready. I love you like I want to kiss you so bad right now, and yet I am holding back. I love you like-” “HYUNG!” Minho had started to shake a little, “I get it! You love me! I understand that…” Minho paused and looked at Jonghyun carefully, “But whay you able to say it so easily?” Minho’s head dropped a bit as a tear slowly slid down his cheek. Jonghyun grabbed Minho’s chin and brought the younger’s head up until Minho was looking in his eyes. “Minho, it isn’t easy. If it was easy, I would have told you a long time ago. But I didn’t. I waited until I couldn’t possibly wait anymore. Minho, I really, truly, undoubtedly love you.” Jonghyun saw something he didn’t recognize in Minho’s eyes. “Hyung…” his voice was barely audible again, “I-I-I… I love you to hyung, I just don’t know if I’m ready for more than the relationship we have now. I mean, I want something more, I do, I just… I’m so confused.” Jonghyun wasn’t entirely sure how to take Minho’s confession. “Okay, Min, I will give you some time to think it over. But, can you let me do one thing first?” Minho looked closely into Jonghyun’s eyes and the emotions there were so strong he decided that whatever his beloved hyung wanted couldn’t be too bad. “Sure, what did you want to do?” “This.” Then Jonghyun quickly leaned in and captured Minho’s lips with his own. It was short, simple, and sweet, but Jonghyun (and Minho) saw sparks and felt an amazing burning desire fill his body immediately. Jonghyun pulled back and looked in Minho’s eyes once more. “When you are ready to accept me, and to actually start a relationship with me- you lean forward for a kiss. If I kiss you, consider it as an acceptance.” Minho nodded his head. “If I lean in for a kiss, I want you as my boyfriend; if you kiss me, we become official.” Jonghyun just nodded and walked to the bathroom leaving Minho with his thoughts.~-~-~-~-~-~ It had been a while since the incident in their hotel room and Minho had been painfully aware of Jonghyun ever since then. They were running through the songs for their concert onstage and Minho was watching Jonghyun joke around with Taemin and Onew on the other side of the stage. His chest felt constricted, he was jealous and he knew it. All five SHINee members took their places on the bleachers as they were pushed on stage. ‘This is it.’ Minho thought as he leaned forward on his bleacher. The bleachers had come to a complete stop and Jonghyun was met with Minho’s face inches from his. Jonghyun pulled back a little. ‘He’s asking me here?’ His mind panicked a bit before he quickly leaned in and pecked Minho’s lips. They were now official. Minho looked at Onew and Taemin with a hand over his mouth as happiness shone in his eyes. He proceeded to glance at Jonghyun and giggle a bit before looking at Key. They proceeded their rehearsal run of JoJo. With Jonghyun feeling elated and Minho even more so as he decided to dance to his own tune while they rehearsed. The turmoil he had been fighting with himself over for years had finally ended with one little peck.

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the end!! Hey there! There we are! I originally had another ending in mind but then there was that JongHo video and I kind of ended up changing it… a lot! It was going to end in the hotel room (kekeke!) But, the concert bit wrote itself in there after their moment! ^-^ but yeah, all the thoughts, hotel room moments, and emotions came from my head… so, sadly… it’s pure fiction in that respect. Anywho! Thanks for reading, commenting, and subscribing! If there’s anything else you want- write on my wall I will post something for you! ^-^ and, stay awesome! ~BaiLingLing <3

For years I’ve felt a pair of eyes on me. They weren’t spitefully glaring, and I didn’t feel disgusted knowing they were watching- but shouldn’t I have? Yet something in me screams to reach for the owner of the eyes that track my every movement. When I first figured out who it was that watched me so closely, my world seemed to grind to a halt. He’s always been such a kind, caring hyung; and I do love him. Is what I feel brotherly love though? This question has tortured me silently for a long time now. Everyone willingly advertises how wrong loving another male is- but am I really supposed to listen to them at the expense or losing myself? I lost a lot of my personal privacy by becoming a member od an idol group- but does love REALLY have to be one of those things? He wants me, and my heart WANTS him to want me, but my mind says it’s wrong. Is that because society says it’s wrong? What if I ignore society? What if we date secretly, but then what if it all goes wrong? Wouldn’t everything become strange and tense? Yet, these feelings! Do I really doubt my own heart? Do I really doubt my beloved hyung? He has always been there for me. Even when he was clearly upset over the accidental kiss I shared with Tae on Dream Team. Although Tae later admitted to Key and me that he had done it on purposes we would “know later.” He was still there for me, quiet- but there. There was also a day when we were alone in the locker rooms after dance practice and I tripped. He ended up against the locker with my arms on either side of his head. I can still feel the heat radiating from him and I can recall how flushed his face became. That was only a month ago, and here we are. In our hotel room in Japan. I think I heard him lock the door behind us. But he grabbed my wrist and turned me around. What I wasn’t expecting was for him to speak. “I love you, Minho.” What? I mean, I had always assumed that Jonghyun had… but he’s just said it. That one phrase ‘I love you.’ The same phrase that has had my heart and mind in turmoil for such a long time… “Minho, I love you as one would a lover, not a brother.” The nail in the coffin. Why, Jonghyun? Why are you willing to trust me with your heart? How can you not experience this turmoil? Okay, you may have gone out with Sekyung and still paid more attention to me, but you admitted to Key it was a ruse and Key had blabbed to me… How are you able to do this, hyung? Do you even know how much I have been arguing with myself? That I know I love you, even when society frowns on such love? Why are you so willing to open you heart to me, and successfully flip my world upside down? The way you’re looking at me right now makes it hard to fight the desire to kiss you. I barely managed to keep under control in the locker room that day, and you lock us in a hotel room and do this? I love you hyung, but can I really admit this outloud? I want to ask for advice, I’ve wanted this advice for a while now; but how can I ask the person I go to for advice on themself? Hyung, what am I supposed to do?

I know I shouldn’t feel this way, but I do. I know watching you change shouldn’t affect me like this, but it does. I also know I shouldn’t pay so much attention to you when you change, but I do. No one knows how much I dislike being paired with our maknae, he’s like my favorite baby brother. Also, no matter how much I love Key, it will never be the love that is between lovers. It also kills me to watch you be partnered with the same people by our fans, and worse yet when they pair you with people from other groups. No matter how many shows we perform, variety shows we guest star on, or restuarants we are spotted in- I can’t help but wonder if the fanservice we show will stay that way. Fanservice. I hate fanservice, and love it at the same time. I watch you flirt with Taemin, hug Key, and when it comes to me- you dodge me. Cat and mouse. Why am I always the cat in this game? My heart feels constricted, my mind is screaming from torture, my body feels weak. I sing my all- for you, but will you ever be mine? One interaction after another, they begin to entwine themselves around me. My heart remembers it all. My mind replays them clearly. My body wishes to reinact them, and then cut them short. A kiss. Can I ever get a real one from you? A peck on the cheek is the most you have ever willingly provided for that dreaded word again- fanservice. I remember once you came back late from a schedule and you came into our room where I was working on lyrics for our Lucifer album. You came up behind me and hugged my shoulders. I turned to face you and tell you to shower and go to bed- but never had the chance to speak. That accidental kiss was the one thing I had been dreaming of since our debut. It was also more than I could ever have hoped for. Do you hate me yet? You should. I can never be friends with you, no matter what our leader says. I love you as more than a friend, more than family, more than you will ever know. Dream Team. Another accidental kiss- but not with me. No, with your precious Taeminnie. It’s been quite a while since you accidentally kissed our maknae, but it is still all over the internet. A click here, a link there- bam. 2min’s accidental Dream Team kiss. It hurts. I should hate you. But I still can’t. I love you too much. Call me dino, pup, I don’t care. I’m sorry. I’ve tried to distract myself with several different methods. Dating Sekyung, flirting harder with Key, stealing time with Tae to interupt any 2min moments. The only one I can’t try anything on is Onew. He knows it all. He’s promised to spill if I get out of hand…. but what can I do? So here we stand. My body reacted before my heart or mind could state what they felt or thought. Locked hotel room in Japan. Just the two of us. I have been searching your eyes for a good five minutes, but they show nothing readable, so I think I should just say it… “I love you, Minho.” Silence. Nothing. Speak dang it! “Minho, I love you as one would a lover, not a brother.” Please! Say something! Please! The web is getting tighter, thicker, darker. I want to just kiss you so badly- but that’s the lustful side of me, what I really want is for the normally quiet Choi Minho to speak. I want his love… But I am willing to accept his rejection.